Will You Sit or Slay? by Lillian Murray
These days we are all sitting in our own “Sh*T” right? Things were not working before and now the world is experiencing tremendous morning sickness. That is often how I see it, and that the conception will be worth it.
During this quiet, not quiet, facts, fear, anxiety, grief and confusing time there has been plenty of time to think, feel and reset. Plenty of time to sit in YOUR own STUFF, and if you are with family or others in your household, plenty of time to accommodate and reacquaint. Its been a nice time to slow down, communicate, organize, research, rest, and get healthy! How wonderful to have all this quality time with your loved ones! Who doesn’t want to improve their health and immune system right now?
Its also an interesting time to REFLECT! I was reflecting on a time that I was home with a family member that was extremely depressed/suicidal and we were homebound for literally four months. During that time, I was not a good friend, not a good wife, not a good daughter, not a good sister and not a good ME. I was trying to be SUPER MOM and fix my son. One of the best times of my life believe it or not to do some very deep soul work!
During this time, I had a friend get seriously ill over night, best friends were in terrible divorces, a husband that was working ninety hours a week and another son who was getting ready to leave home for the first time. There were other things like 16 rats living in my attic but honestly that was a first world problem and seemed easy.
I learned ten years ago to surrender, to set boundaries (tell that to a cuban- american) and you can not save other people. THREE of my BIGGEST take aways.
I think several of us are feeling overwhelmed right now by needing people, especially those we have not seen in weeks, months or maybe even years. Our immune systems are affected by human connection, love or lack of. How do we come back as a family or community and be better? Are we going to be more patient? Better listeners? More Compassion? Will we be leading by better example to our kids? Less screen time? Better conversations? More Meaningful time spent with loved ones? More explaining? Less complaining? More nature? More intention? More human doing and less just human being? I think its been a great time to reevaluate our relationships and how we can better unite in mind, spirit and physically. Are we willing to let go of the people that need us to stay dysfunctional in order to stay connected to them? These relationships are extremely challenging and painful. We all have them. From pain comes wisdom. To grow or not to grow, the lessons are up to us. Learn them or repeat them.
For many, this can be the most difficult part of the process for various reasons. We don’t like to appear confrontational. We’re afraid that if we clear set boundaries for ourselves, the people in our lives will begin to resent us. However, learning to communicate boundaries effectively is necessary for healthy relationships. I’m not comfortable with that….It doesn’t feel good to….I’m not okay with….I appreciate if you wouldn’t….Please listen …. If you feel guilty at the thought of using any of these phrases, you’ll be relieved to know that communicating your boundaries doesn’t always have to be with words. You can also effectively communicate through the use of non-verbal.
Find space for yourself. Its ok to go quiet for a while. Ground yourself. For me, its nature. Whatever you have close to you. It speaks to you especially when you are quiet. I am sure many of you have noticed how loudly the birds are singing and animals that maybe you never see are present, again! (Our owls are back!) Eventually, you will be able to allow your struggling relationships to have their own emotional experience without making it about you. You can listen and no longer feel obligated to do something about what they were feeling.
Whenever you shift or change a pattern, it is natural to feel resistance from inside as well as outside the self. As you practice, your ego may start to act up and make you feel like you are “wrong” in establishing boundaries. Others may also become resentful of your newfound assertiveness. They may be used to a certain dynamic in your relationship and any change has the potential to cause conflict. Remember to be kind to yourself through the process. Before you know it you will be slaying dragons again. Many of you already are. Some of your projects, home life, jobs and new found creative space is flowing like never before. Its been so beautiful to see the transformations!
Whatever your dragon is. The real work is waking up everyday and loving this world and each other, the best we can.